Smudgy Floor and Smudgy Soul

In my opinion, there is nothing more painful than the family dinner immediately after scrubbing the kitchen floor. I use the old-school method of scrubbing on my hands and knees, so naturally, I would assume that my family would be mindful of my hard work and be extra careful at the dinner table.

Ha! That's a pleasant thought. My children are still babies! 

Last week I scrubbed the floor and managed to get the meatloaf in the oven while maintaining a clean kitchen. We were off to a good start until we sat down to eat… The entire meal I was in agony. I couldn't help but flinch as the baby flung smashed peas while waving to her dad across the table or dripped watermelon juice from her tiny clenched fists. And it took everything within me not to cry out as my toddler used hand expressions during a story and casually dropped meatloaf onto the floor. 

My daughter enjoying her dinner.

I tried my best to ignore the chaos and engage in conversation with my husband. As the food was flying, so was my tongue. I caught myself in the midst of unfair gossip. I looked at my husband across the table and felt so guilty. Just like my kitchen floor, my soul was smudged. 

I guess I treat my soul the same way I treat my kitchen floor. I am so careful to keep the floor clean after I scrub. I even go as far as put towels under the high chair to maintain cleanliness for as long as I can. But the inevitable spill or smudge appears and I slowly stop caring as much knowing it won't be long until the floor gets cleaned again.

Similarly, I am hyper-aware of my words and actions after I attend the sacrament of reconciliation. I want to keep my soul as clean as possible and for as long as possible. I find myself spending less time on social media or Netflix and more time in prayer. But over time, I spend a little more time listening to the world, which leads to a harder time hearing God.  It doesn’t take long before I fall back into habits such as impatience and gossip or fall prey to self-reliance or perfection. 

I know I am not alone in this battle against sin, but I still feel exposed revealing to you my humanity. The conviction I feel sharing this with you is proof we have a merciful God. If we did not feel the weight of our offenses, we would not have the desire to pursue God above all else. We were created to live in union with Him and experience His merciful love regardless of our shortcomings!

Lamentations 3:19-23 reflects our experience of recognizing the weight of our sins while staying connected to God's compassionate love.

"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:19-23

Merciful Father, Your compassionate love is a true gift. You make Yourself accessible to us, regardless of our shortcomings. You delight in us and never exhaust Your merciful love. May we be instruments of Your mercy to those around us. May we never lose sight of pursuing an intimate relationship with You. Amen.

Until next time, your sister in Christ,

Abby