Relearning to Be Mothered: A Letter to the Blessed Mother

Dear Blessed Mother,

What did you do when little Jesus refused to put his shoes on even though you were running late? How did you respond when Jesus decided he wanted his food cut into strips instead of bite-sized pieces? Was there ever a day when you felt as though you were not cut out for motherhood?

I love my children more than anything, but the older they become, the less confident I feel about how to guide them as their mother. They are no longer infants. They have opinions, emotions, and preferences that seem to change by the minute.

Just last week, I got scolded because I cut a peach into bite-sized pieces instead of slices. I handled it with far less grace than my precious daughter deserved.

Once again, I failed to respond with understanding when one of my daughters refused to put on her socks and shoes. Frustrated and running behind, I threatened to leave without her. What I saw as defiance was her way of asking for help. Her socks were inside out, and she simply couldn’t put them on by herself.

Mary, I don’t write these words to expose my shame or to beat myself up, because I know self-given grace is needed. I write them because I’m trying to better understand who I am as a mother, and I recognize my need for you now more than ever. Hear the plea of my heart!

Mother Most Prudent, please model for me the virtue of gentleness. May I look to you when my humanity takes the wheel and the reactions I give my children are more about finding a quick solution to de-escalate the situation than offering a gentle and loving response.

Mother of Divine Grace, giving help when help is needed or wanted can feel like an enormous task at times. My wounded heart wants my child to figure it out on their own because that is what I felt I had to do as a little girl. But I refuse to leave them orphaned when I am right here.

You know my story. You were with me as a 13-year-old girl who got picked up early from school, driven to the hospital, and told, “Mom was in a car accident, and she didn’t make it.”

From that tragic day on, you were there as my life unfolded and I had to navigate monthly cycles, boy drama, college applications, wedding planning, and becoming a mother myself, all without my earthly mother. I had my beautiful sisters, dad, friends, aunts, and neighbors, but none of them were my mom and you are never too old to need your mom.

My two little girls need their mom. On days when I feel especially exhausted, I remember that my story is written into their DNA. My longing for my earthly mother is woven into their story too. But our story isn’t over. My own motherhood journey is opening a new chapter of healing and grace and I am relearning how to be mothered so I can better mother my own children. What a beautiful gift!

Mary, Comfort of the Afflicted, thank you for your maternal guidance all these years, especially during the times when I did not recognize it. As Queen of Families and Cause of our Joy, I ask for your intercession to heighten the love and joy within my own family and in the families of every mother reading this post, whether she is a physical mother or a spiritual mother. Guide us all closer to the heart of your Son, Jesus Christ. Amen.

With a grateful and hope-filled heart, 

Your spiritual daughter, Abby

My beautiful daughters!

Dear Reader,

There comes a point during each of my pregnancies when I seem to grieve the loss of my mother in a very unique way. Of course, I always miss her, but I feel her absence even more strongly as my due date approaches.

I am in a beautiful yet delicate season of life. With two young toddlers and a growing pregnant belly, life is exciting but extremely exhausting! Most days, I encounter a situation that I wish I had handled differently. The reality is that pregnancy is a lot of work, and unfortunately a season when my humanity shines through. It is from this place in my heart that the letter above was written.

Grief is funny in that you never quite know when it will strike. Over the last few weeks, we have been exploring the titles of Mary, a beautiful devotion for the month of May. But writing about her spiritual motherhood has drawn me into a deeply contemplative place as I reflect on life without my earthly mother.

I was recently sharing with my midwife about a challenging parenting moment I experienced with my child. My midwife reminded me that my daughter can probably sense my longing for my mom, which may be contributing to her over-the-top need for me right now. Recognizing that this unmet desire for my own mother is not only a part of my story but has also been woven into my daughter's story as well has allowed me to meet my sweet child with so much more grace.

Each time my grief resurfaces, I have another opportunity to process, heal, and be restored. And each time, I can rewrite the reactions I have to my children into loving and approachable responses. Each time, I am relearning how to be mothered by Mary so that I can better mother my own children. I am deeply grateful for her maternal guidance.

Until next time, your sister in Christ,

Abby