If you have been following along for the last few posts in our marriage series, you will find a common theme: God places your spouse into your life to bring fulfillment in your vocation and restoration of your heart.
A few of my sisters will occasionally poke fun at my dating history. ‘Can you name all of Abby’s past boyfriends?’ has become a lighthearted game. I used to feel insecure about the number of guys I let into my heart until I met my husband. God revealed that I was simply searching for my innate desire to be seen, known, and loved. A need I found in my husband, who led me straight into the healing hands of God the Father.
I spent years and years battling the lie that I was not good enough. I was combating the fear that my guy would not love me if they knew me fully. After multiple heartbreaks and failed relationships, my insecurity deepened. I learned to love cautiously.
I was constantly on defense. I had to be strategic with how I dated. I realized I was only authentic with a few men I claimed as past boyfriends. I asked God to reveal why I was unable to love fully. He brought me to 1 John 5:18, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love.” All of those years, I was loving based on fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of heartbreak. Fear of authenticity.
“There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love.” - 1 John 5:18
God never ceases to amaze me. He knew the exact man to place in my life that would restore how I loved. He knew who I needed to fulfill my vocation as a wife. Shortly after my husband Dylan and I began dating, I reunited with verse 1 John 5:18. I was amazed by how Dylan drove away the fears that haunted me for years. He replaced them with a desire to be vulnerable and totally known by him. Dylan sees my true self each day of our marriage. He knows me perfectly and chooses to love me every single day!
Praise the Lord that His plan is better than I could ever imagine. He is strategic with every detail of our lives. I am grateful for the healing love He has gifted me through my husband!
Until next time, your your sister in Christ,