Growing up, the eight Molitor sisters were divided….the ‘older girls’ and the ‘younger girls.’ I was number 6 of 8 so of course I was one of the little girls. My oldest few sisters were significantly older. When I was into barbies they were into boys. While I still enjoyed riding my bike around the farmyard and they were busy driving their cars.
The ‘older’ and ‘younger’ rivalry has since come to a close. Praise Jesus! Regardless of our age or the age gap between us, all eight of us have a solid and firm relationship. It is really quite beautiful to witness the ebb and flow between my relationship with each sister. There are seasons of life that I can relate one sister over the other but there is a beauty that falls within the uniqueness of each woman in our family. The characteristics, lifestyles, charisms, and interests create a well rounded atmosphere that allow us to rely on one another's expertise.
Unfortunately, the bliss of sisterhood was not met without wounds. Even now as an adult, I find myself stuck as ‘one of the younger girls.’ What once was an endearing title has now caused insecure and inferior feelings. My heart had tied a knot around the lie that I will always be one of the little girls….the relationships that I have with my oldest sisters are one-sided. There is nothing I can offer in return to their advice.
I know this is a lie! Even after conversations of explaining my feelings and my sisters renouncing my insecurities, this lie settled deep into my soul.
It all stemmed shortly after my mom had died. Us four little girls were living at home and we really relied on our older sisters! Not only did they make sure we were getting our homework done and cooking us dinner, they were the advice givers and the maternal listening ears. Not to anyone's fault but all eight of us were robbed of a healthy and normal childhood. The wounds of that chapter of life are still piercing our hearts!
Over the weekend I attended a Eucharistic Revival Conference in Fargo, ND. Sr. Miriam James Heitland, SOLT, gave a beautiful talk about how past wounds can lead to hardness of heart. She spoke boldly about Jesus healing those places and reviving our hearts and souls. She led the audience through a beautiful and prayerful meditation. She invoked the Holy Spirit to bring to light one area of our hearts that He desired to heal.
As I sat with my eyes closed I got this deep sense of being a little girl again. I saw Jesus sitting on a large rock in the middle of a grassy pasture. He was tending his flock of sheep while a few children were playing at his feet. I was not ready to surrender to my littlness. I desired to be looked at and treated like one of the older girls. But the Lord persisted and opened His arms to me. He asked me to sit in the safety of his lap. As I sat, wrapped up in the Lord's embrace, I allowed myself to go back and reorder my childhood. I allowed myself to be a little girl and it did not change the firm and solid relationship I have with my sisters.
Jesus reminded me that there is a reason I am one of the younger sisters. I do not need to overcompensate for the age gap or worry about being inferior. God designed my family and we are perfect in His eyes.
The wounds from past seasons of life shape our hearts and souls. They are not to be resented or feared but used as an invitation for us to draw closer to our Lord. Christ, the living Lord desires to heal them and set you free! He knows when you are ready to let go of the burdens you have been carrying. Let this be an invitation to invite Jesus a little deeper into your heart. He was with you then, and He is with you now. Allow Him to hold you in His loving embrace as the two of you walk towards healing and restoration!
Until Next Time~Your Sister in Christ,
Abby