The History of Valentine's Day and the Power of the Sacrament of Marriage
- Leah Brix
- 3 minutes ago
- 6 min read
History of Valentine's Day
Way back in the middle of the 3rd Century, Roman Emperor, Claudius Gothicus, often called Claudius the Cruel, ruled the crumbling Roman Empire.
The once-mighty empire was constantly at war with the savage Germanic tribes and the Palmyrene Empire to the east.
Due to these massive military losses, there was a serious shortage of troops. But it wasn’t just losses on the battlefield that caused the shortage; it was also the deadly Plague of Cyprian that ravaged civilians and soldiers alike!
Because Claudius the Cruel needed troops, he decided to ban marriage. His theory was that men would be more loyal and willing to fight if they didn't have a wife and children waiting for them back home.
He didn't consider the implications of this ban.
In ancient Roman society, marriage was a fundamental institution, uniting husband and wife and binding the two families in an alliance. They believed that marriage was a partnership whose primary purpose was to have legitimate descendants to whom property and status could be handed down through generations.
The ban led to an abundance of illegitimate children, and their mothers, who had no right to an inheritance, with no financial obligation from the father. It set them up for a lifetime of poverty, further destabilizing the empire's economy.
It was disastrous from a societal standpoint, but especially devastating for the rapidly growing Christian people.
Because of their understanding of marriage as a holy sacrament, the Christian’s weren't willing to sin against the 6ᵗʰ Commandment.
Along came a holy priest named Valentine. He recognized the crisis and would secretly administer the sacrament of marriage to Christian couples.
He was eventually discovered, and the crime of performing marriages led to his being thrown in prison.
While there, he befriended the jailer's daughter, Julia, whom he instructed in the faith. Julia was blind, but Valentine prayed over her and restored her sight.
At his trial, he refused to abandon his faith, which resulted in his being beaten and beheaded, making him an early martyr of the faith. Legend has it that he wrote a last fatherly letter to Julia and signed it, "From your Valentine," a signature still used to this day.
Unfortunately, St. Valentine was removed from the General Roman Calendar in 1969 because the church found insufficient historical evidence for his life & identity. But even so, this does not mean he was de-canonized; he remains in the Roman martyrology.
There are actually 3 St. Valentine's, all celebrated on February 14, the date the Valentine mentioned above was martyred.
There is a lot of mystery surrounding St. Valentine, but the legend of his heroism towards the sacrament of marriage is certainly worth us celebrating!
However, there just might be more to the story of the history of Valentine’s Day.
The Catholic Church loves to hijack pagan holidays and point them towards Christ. That might be one clue as to how Valentine's became such a wildly celebrated holiday!
The ancient Romans began their calendar year in March. They had a custom in which young men drew the name of a young woman from a box, who was to be their partner. It was a gruesome tradition called Lupercalia, which occurred February 13-15. During this festival, the men sacrificed a goat and a dog, and they would beat the women with the hides of these animals. They believed that this would increase fertility, as they then took advantage of these poor women.
But another tradition holds that during the Middle Ages, people believed that birds mated on February 14. They believed that if birds chose their mates on St. Valentine's Day, so should young men and women.
And here we are today. Buying cheap pre-made Valentine’s in bulk for the kids to hand out to every classmate at school. Then remembering to buy flowers and chocolates for the widow next door, cleaning and cooking for our galentines party, buying a new outfit in either pink or red to wear to work to look cute and festive. Rushing to get out the door for date night with hubby. Feeling guilty for not being as present because you can't stop thinking about all the details.
Stop. Just stop.
I've given you the history of this strange holiday. Perhaps you already knew all of this, perhaps you didn't. But armed with the origins of it likely coming from an unmarried man who was willing to give up his life to marry couples, let's start there.
Power of the Sacrament of Marriage
If you were married in the Church, your marriage IS a sacrament. We can all wrap our minds around receiving graces from going to Mass or Confession. But so often we forget that there are many graces just waiting for us within our marriage. How can we access them?
Well, we can start by praying for more graces. Ask for the graces to uphold our covenant vows and to be patient and charitable towards each other.
Lean into them simply by praying, “By the grace of my marriage, I ask you to renew my marriage.”
“By the grace of my marriage, I ask you to let me love my husband more.”
“By the grace of my marriage, I ask you to heal these wounds.”
“By the grace of my marriage, I ask you to help us to grow in holiness.”
“By the grace of my marriage,” finish the prayer in whatever way you may need!
The more we love, the more graces we receive.
The book of Genesis says that the two shall become one. This is something that most of us can easily roll off our tongues. But really leaning into it is the secret to a godly marriage.
When we see ourselves as one unit, we see and feel each other's successes and joys as our own. We see their burdens and crosses as our own. There is no room for jealousy, for comparison, for assumptions, or resentment. Knowing this, the devil cuts right into the heart of it and stirs up these very emotions that drive a wedge into our hearts.
When my husband gets a promotion, I rejoice because I was there pushing him and cheering for him. But the devil would try to make me feel sorry for myself as a stay-at-home mom with no exciting career or praise in any shape or form.
But if he stumbles and falls in any way, I am there lying in the dirt with him. I am there to help lift him up and help soothe his shame or embarrassment. I need to reject the lies the devil would whisper in my ear about how weak he is, or how I married a failure.
And the examples are just as true the other way around. He celebrates my successes as his own and is right there with me, encouraging me when I’m struggling.
Marriage isn't just a legally binding document, filed away in the courthouse archives, but a living, breathing covenant, stamped upon our hearts for all eternity. I say it lives and breathes because it is ever-changing. It's a give-and-take exchange.
While we always give our 100%, our maximum never remains the same. Right now, I'm closing in on my baby's due date. My 100% is a fraction of what it was ten months ago! But my husband’s 100% ten months ago was much smaller then due to unexpected circumstances, and it tested him in a heroic way. And I was able to give more when he really needed me.
Seeing our marriage as a singular thing helps make sense of our relationship.
Society doesn't see it for the miraculous Sacrament that it is. Instead, it convinces us that we need to treat our spouse transactionally, like we would a random roommate.
God, out of love, did an incomprehensible thing when He sent His only son to die for our sins. That seems completely irrational and insane!
A couple in love seems completely irrational and insane to those around them. They will make sacrifices and choices that most people can’t comprehend.
Love doesn't really make sense because humankind is hard-wired to be selfish. When you really love someone, specifically your spouse, it is a heroic kind of love, one that you literally will lay down your life for. That is not sane, rational, or even comprehensible. Yet, this is the vocation and most important relationship, for those of us married, besides our relationship with God, Our Creator, of course.
We receive graces through this holy sacrament by loving each other as best we can- these graces allow us to live a holy life!
St. Valentine, that holy priest of old, knew the power a married couple has, and was killed for promoting it.
When Valentine’s Day rolls around in 364 days, I challenge you to lean into this holy and incredible sacrament and celebrate in a way that would make the real St. Valentine proud.
St. Valentine, pray for us.
Until next time, your sister in Christ,
Leah
