Healing My Voice, Renewing My Identity

Not to brag, but the Lord has blessed me with the gift of music, especially in the vocal department. Growing up, I never really thought much about my musical ability because all seven of my sisters have a gift for music, whether they like to admit it or not. Put all eight of us in a room, and magical harmonies emerge! It's pretty awesome.

But the Lord has blessed me with more than just natural talent. He has also given me the charism of music, meaning music is a gift given to me to give to others. He uses my voice to draw others closer to His heart. It has been an incredible honor to serve the Lord through my voice, and it is through music that I feel closest to Him.

Singing with other RISEN Worship members at an event.

You see, five years ago, the Lord completely healed my vocal polyps, and in return, I gave Him my voice to use as His instrument.

If you've been a Catholic Country Chronicles reader for a while, you've probably heard this story. If not, let me take you back to the winter of 2021.

We were well over a year into the COVID-19 pandemic, and I was teaching elementary music. I was teaching and singing all day long while wearing a mask. Unfortunately, this caused significant vocal strain, which eventually led to vocal polyps. The only way to heal was through complete vocal rest.

Ummm... that was impossible!

I did my best to take it easy and even started using a microphone in the classroom, but my voice continued to get worse.

During Christmas break that year, I attended Mass at an Encounter Ministries conference. Right before Communion, I prayed, "Lord, if You heal my voice, I will give it to You completely."

As I walked up to receive the Eucharist, I felt a pounding in my chest with the sure knowledge that I was truly about to receive the true Body and Blood of Jesus! As I moved closer to the front of the Communion line, the pounding traveled up into my neck and settled right where my voice box was. I received Jesus and returned to my pew to thank Jesus, I somehow knew my voice was on the mend.

A few weeks later, I was singing at full capacity. A true miracle of healing!

Since then, I have been given so many beautiful and unique opportunities to use my musical charism, and it has been incredibly life-giving. But my voice is also the place where I experience the most spiritual warfare.

Because I gave my voice to the Lord, the enemy tries to use that very same gift as a tool of destruction.

John 10:10 says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

Sometimes, that destruction comes through the tone I use when responding to my daughter or how quickly I can slip into gossip. Other times, it comes through circumstances beyond my control, like my children having a rough night's sleep or coming down with a head cold the week before I am scheduled to sing, both of which affect my voice.

But the evil one's sneakiest attack is on my inner voice and through the way I think about myself and the way I speak about myself. I hate to admit how powerless I feel being self-conscious about everything! Not only does this damage my own self-image, but it also trickles down to my daughters, who are learning how to love themselves by watching how I love myself.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. He wants to steal my confidence, kill my interior freedom, and destroy my ability to love myself the way God loves me.

BUT the Lord came so that I may have life, and have it to the full!

Genesis 1:27 reminds us of our beauty and goodness. It says, "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them."

My beautiful daughters.

I truly believe the Lord has given me daughters to remind me of the goodness and beauty He sees in me. It has been so beautiful and healing to watch my girls mirror some of the very qualities I tend to shy away from in myself but absolutely adore in them. It is my daily prayer that they embrace every part of who God created them to be because every aspect of their personality and every physical characteristic was intentionally created in the image and likeness of God.

Until next time, your sister in Christ,

Abby