What Makes a Good Father? Lessons from a Catholic Dad

I am the father of eight daughters and grandfather of twenty-two. This translates into eating birthday cake every ten days. In fact, Leah is having a birthday party next Monday. If you like cake, chaos, or playing with 1/64th size play tractors on Leah’s island with me and her three youngest curtain climbers, then I will see you there. (I am too old to play tractors on the floor.) I think we eat supper at 7:00. Even with nine kids, Leah is always on time.

Although I called Leah last week and asked her what she was doing, she said she was lying on the couch and not doing anything. I said, "It's 10:00 in the morning, where are your kids?" She answered that she did not know and did not care. I suppose with nine kids, Leah already had nine thousand steps in for the day.

Joe and his granddaughter!

Joe 'farming' with the boys!

Twenty-five years ago, I was busy milking the cows at night when Kristin came running out to the barn, screaming that Abby was stuck in a chair and could not breathe. It sounded serious, so I ran to the house to be the greatest dad ever, saving Abby. She was stuck between the seat of the chair and the back of the chair. When she saw me, Abby cried even louder. She was not hurt, just trapped. She was so skinny she actually could move freely, which made me unable to resist this Kodak moment. Sure enough, I reached for the camera and told Abby to smile. She smiled really big for the picture, and then continued to cry at full throttle. I just lifted her up, and the situation was over.

The Deputy Grand Knight of the Minnesota Knights of Columbus said that if the father invests himself in his faith and family, he will have a blessed marriage, and being Catholic will be a priority for his children.

I agree with him. I have always said the same thing, just in a different way. I said, if the father goes to the Sacrament of Penance and Reconciliation on a regular basis, he will have a holy marriage and his kids will continue to attend Mass as they become adults. The Sacrament of Penance and Reconciliation is the sacrament of confession, of penance, of forgiveness, of reconciliation, and of conversion according to the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

Everybody knows what it means to call the Sacrament of Penance and Reconciliation the sacrament of forgiveness, but few people know that it is also called, and is the first one listed in the catechism, the sacrament of conversion. Conversion is defined as the process of changing, to man up, be different, and rise to a new level.

Beginning with me, all the sins that I would need to confess are failures in the areas of providing, protecting, and preserving my family. For me, to break any one of the Ten Commandments is a failure to preserve my family. I am busy sinning and have not given myself totally as a gift to others like Jesus did. I am being immature if I do nothing about the selfish, petty sins in my life. Any hint of controlling, limiting others, or preventing others from living freely in God’s love must be confessed. If I experience a deeper conversion, my family will experience the difference and learn from my example.

When a father goes to confession, he is publicly saying he has done wrong in his efforts to love perfectly, and he wants to grow in holiness. His wife and kids will respond with love.

Joe praying with his eight daughters at Abby's wedding.

Barry Sanders, one of the greatest running backs ever to carry a football in the history of the NFL, has a great quote: “Maybe a good rule in life is never become too important to do your own laundry.” He averaged five yards a carry, more than anyone else. Every second on the field, Sanders was a threat because he decided to be the best at what he does. He blew past the defensive linemen, sidestepped the linebackers, and outran the safeties. He ran the ball into the end zone without fanfare or showing off. He did not need to show off; he ran into the end zone like he had been there before. Sanders’ faith, work ethic, humility, intensity, and confidence should inspire us to reach for the heights of being a good father, therefore heaven.

Another great Football Hall of Famer, Jack Lambert, played with such intensity that it changed the game itself. He said, “The Steelers drafted guys bigger, stronger, and faster than me, but they never found one that could take my job away from me.” Playing with the effort and conviction that Lambert did inspires me to be a good father. However, to play football the way Lambert did, and to intentionally intimidate others, also gives us some examples of what not to do as a father. Lambert took out his bridge and played toothless. He trash-talked and intentionally hurt you. He played with reckless abandon and was also known as the scariest man to ever play football. In quarterback Elway’s rookie year, Lambert tried to rip his head off. Elway seriously thought about becoming an accountant instead of playing football.

I believe a good father never intimidates his family and never intentionally hurts his family in any way. A good father is always crystal clear when he speaks and is never confusing.

Joe with his family!

One must have faith. Angela and Maggie were still young enough, after the car accident that killed their mom, that they needed to sit in the backseat. Kids understand the oneness of a mother and a father. When I thought it was necessary, I would reach back and say that if you touch me, you touch mom. Both girls would squeeze my hand and quietly weep as we drove home.

If I know that I have made a mistake as a father, I stop and ask for forgiveness. God the Father is our example to follow. We experience His example by learning from His Son, Jesus Christ who went to the cross for sins He did not even commit. We too must admit that we make mistakes.

Let's go to work,

Joe