Praying for the Skills to Thrive in Motherhood

Last night, my 2- week-old James and I attended our first ultimate frisbee match. Because our school doesn't have a team, my son was eligible to play for the diocesan Catholic High School, 40 minutes away. 

I love to watch my kids compete- little James and I were at a middle school track meet the night before.

What I love almost as much as cheering on my kids is the sideline social hour. It fills my cup chit-chatting with the other parents and grandparents.

In true Leah Brix fashion, while the players all hustled off to a nearby burger joint, and the fans headed home for a late supper, I was the last one there, deep in conversation with a lovely grandmother of one of the players.

To paint the picture a little clearer, I was watching my 16-year-old play with a 2-week-old strapped to my chest in the baby carrier.  (The other 7 kids were back home on our multi-generational farm, hanging out at grandma's, running around the farmyard, or doing homework in our house.)

I mention this because my friend said something that really hit me hard.

She commented on how she remembers the days when she, too, had young ones and teenagers. She looked me in the eye and said, "You have to be a mother to them all."

To be a mother to them all, big and small.

I knew exactly what she meant. I spend all day caring for a tiny baby & chasing around a crazy 2- year-old and a sensitive 4-year-old, so I'm ready for bed EARLY and am quite overstimulated by that time of day. But that is when the preteens & teens are in their prime.

You get grunts & one-word answers out of them most of the day, but they really come alive after 9 pm.

I guess I'm reflecting on all of this so that I can be a better mother to them all.

I'm embarrassed to tell you the number of times that I have lain in bed, feeling absolutely terrible about snapping before bedtime. I wake up the next morning promising to be more patient the next night... but come up short more often than not!

I'm giving myself grace here- James isn't even three weeks old yet. Pregnancy really kicks my butt, so after nine months of simply surviving, I want to thrive.

When I did the Woman School several years ago, the creator, January Donavon, mother of 8, business owner, and bestselling author, said that motherhood is designed for women to flourish. She believes that society sells us the lie that motherhood has to be hard. There are hard moments, yes, but motherhood itself doesn't have to be hard. 

I’m trying to decide whether I agree with this.  I am far from put together, but I agree that we are doing a disservice to ourselves, our children, and our vocation to champion hot-mess motherhood.

Heck, just this week I did a Sam’s Club run with explosive baby barf down the front of my shirt.  I have many hot-mess moments in my life.  But I think we need to make those the exceptions, not the standard for how we present ourselves.

She also says that if we feel overwhelmed, it means we are under-skilled

And this is what I am praying with.  As I said, pregnancy is VERY hard on me, so I give myself a ton of grace.

But baby is out now, and my energy level is increasing.  I now have the mental capacity to even recognize my dissatisfaction with how I'm showing up for my family.

Before I go any further, let me remind you that I was once an overwhelmed mom of 1, then an extremely overwhelmed mom of two under two. Then, a mom of three, three and under, fighting for my life, and so on.

But as my family has grown, so have my "skills" as a mom. I am always recalibrating to capture the current demands of my family.

Which leads me to where I am today. As most of you know by now, I often use this blog almost as a public prayer journal. You are seeing my heart in real time.

So I ask Jesus to help me recalibrate the rhythms and routines in my life, so that I can thrive in motherhood. I encourage you to do the same, regardless of your state in life.  You most likely do not have a newborn, but I can almost guarantee there are areas in your life where you have experienced change recently that you can pray over.

Let's ask Him what skills we need to master to get out of the overwhelm.

Let's ask Him how He wants us to rearrange our schedule to best honor Him.

Let's ask Him how to communicate our own needs to those around us, so we aren’t depleted.

Let's ask Him, the giver of all good things, to give us His unending joy.

Jesus, thank you for this wonderful life.  Give me the graces and skills necessary to steward all that I have been given in a way that allows me to be a joy-filled missionary disciple.  Let all who see me see Christ in me.  But most importantly, let me honestly look at myself and know that I am your beloved daughter, whose worth is not defined by my productivity.  Let me strive for holiness because I want to grow closer to Him Who IS Love. 

Amen.

Until next time, your sister in Christ, 

Leah