The spiritual walk is a perilous one. One minute you are walking on water, and the next are walking through the Valley of the Shadow of Death. I have had mountaintop experiences where I vowed nothing could ever cause me to turn away from my faith. Then I have had desert experiences where my faith life was so dry that it took everything I had to show up for prayer, and even missed prayer time altogether.
There have been so many of these experiences as I have yo-yoed through the different seasons of life.
What I find the most fascinating about this, is that it doesn’t matter whatsoever what my disposition is, but I have seen the Holy Spirit at work in my life regardless of how on fire I felt.
I used to believe that the more perfect I was, the more the Lord listened to my prayers. So, I would be overly scrupulous but also spiritually prideful as I marveled at how God worked in my life.
But then I would be humbled to see someone who was way less than perfect, and recognize how the Lord was still working in their life and be confused. Why would He grant miracles for a sinner?
Oh Leah, how poorly mistaken you were! Even when I have been at what I considered my peak spiritual life (which was many kids ago, many pounds ago, and many responsibilities ago) God still saw me as a wretched sinner.
I don’t say that to be depressive, but to be a realist. But the Good News story we relived last week, with the death of Our Lord on Good Friday and His Resurrection on Easter Sunday are the ultimate proof that regardless of how undeserving I am, God still loves me in the most extreme of ways.
There is nothing that I can do to earn His love! I still strive (and FAIL) for holiness, because Jesus commanded that of me, but how dangerous to assume that I deserve salvation for being “good”.
This Sunday we celebrate the great feast of Divine Mercy Sunday. Jesus wanted St. Faustina to proclaim the message of His mercy to the world.
If I were to succinctly describe Divine Mercy, I would say that it means to run to Jesus with arms wide open, and trust that the depths of His love will swallow us into the ocean of His mercy. His unfathomable love can wash a humble heart clean again.
What a gift to have the sacraments, which are outward signs, to get to experience His mercy in a tangible way.
If you haven’t been in a while, I want to suggest that you find your way back to the confessional. Jesus is waiting for you there, longing to welcome you back home. Don’t run from the One Who loves you, rather run towards Him like your life depended upon it, because it does.
Until next time, your sister in Christ,
Leah